smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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