It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
