I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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