in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
