I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
