The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
