I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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