Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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