Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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