just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
