I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize