The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
