When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
