They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
