she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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