Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
