A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
