She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
