i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
