Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
