I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
