she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
