There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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