The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
