i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
