Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
