If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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