textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize