$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
