i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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