My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
