I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
