Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
