Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
