The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
