Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
