watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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