I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
