I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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