You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
