zippers are such a cool invention
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
