Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
