Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
