Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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