I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize