Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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