I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
