My brain says no but my pants say off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
