you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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