I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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