Dual....:-)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
