Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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