this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
