I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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