dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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