The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
