the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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