sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
