i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
