to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Panties = found
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
