Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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