my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
