You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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