oh god the rape fog is back!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
