I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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