I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize