The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
