so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
