Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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