Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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